My sister suffered from a messy breakup last year. She was in a kind of relationship that almost caused a permanent rift in our family. That’s especially true when we found out that her boyfriend was already married to someone else, and she still wanted to be with him. She would have gone with that guy if he did not leave my sister for his wife.

After that incident, my sister seemed like she was in limbo. She stopped going to work; she never left the house. Although her weight remained the same, it was evident that she let go of herself because she looked way older than her 23-year-old self. It had gotten so bad that people assumed that she was our 50-year-old mother’s sister.

Despite all that, we never gave up on my sister. My parents encouraged her to go out again and find a new job away from her ex. When she found one that she liked, things started to look up for her. My sister’s cheerfulness returned; she no longer stayed cooped up in her room. More importantly, my sister began to join us for dinner again, which she stopped doing in fear of being questioned about her former relationship.

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One Year Later

One evening, while we were having a movie night at home, my sister received an email from Instagram informing her that someone tried to log in using her username and password. However, whoever that person was could not get in because they failed the account verification test.

My sister tried tracing the location of the person who wanted to open her account and realized that it must be her ex who did that. There was no way to guarantee it at the time because she already blocked him, but he was the only person who knew those details. Luckily, my sister seemed to have completely moved on from him since she was more annoyed than anything that the guy would hack into her account.

A week later, we were surprised yet again when the guy messaged my mother on Facebook, asking how my sister was doing. He also asked for my parents’ forgiveness for turning my sister into a mistress. But the hilarious thing was that he was asking when – not if – he could come over so that he could apologize in person. The nerve!

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All my mother did that day was block the guy on social media. Just when we thought it was over, my sister’s best friend called to say that the guy messaged her, asking about the same thing. The best friend replied and told him to stop bothering my sister because she was already fine without him.

Although that was the truth, my sister could not help but worry about her ex’s reemergence. She asked me to accompany her in seeking professional counseling the next day. We found one through friends’ recommendations, and the kind counselor listened to my sister talk about her former relationship.

Near the end of the session, my sister asked, “How can I make sure that I will not fall to my ex’s charms again?”

Here are a few tips that remained in my head.

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Stop Anyone From Talking About Your Ex

The counselor said that the quickest way to remedy such a situation was to avoid talking about my sister’s ex. If any of us wanted to mention him, we’d better zip it because it’s not helping her. She also encouraged us to spread the word to our family and friends to ensure everyone’s on the same page.

“I don’t support the idea of faking it until you make it,” the counselor added. “I believe in the forgive-and-forget thing more than that. If you stop acknowledging your ex’s existence, your memories of him will eventually fade into oblivion.”

Consider The Losses You Experienced Due To The Relationship

The counselor asked my sister to recount her losses because of her messy relationship. The list included her job, some of her friends, our parents’ trust, etc. The counselor then gave my sister something to think about: “If you entertain your ex once more, who’s to ascertain that you’ll lose the same things or more?”

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Realize That Life Is Better Without Stressors In It

My sister’s ex was – and still is – one big source of stress. It was not just for my sister but all of us, considering my sister could not fight her battles independently and always needed our support. Hence, the counselor also encouraged her to count her blessing ever since she split with that guy.

Final Thoughts

I could never fathom the ordeal that my sister went through in her search for true love. Her journey was filled with humiliation, embarrassment, and lack of self-respect. We would not have known about it until the guy broke up with her.

Thankfully, my sister had finally gotten over her ex. It did not mean that he already stopped trying to bother her – she merely stopped caring, which was a great thing. That’s the best way to stay away from someone who betrayed you.

Ever since I decided to study psychology and eventually offer to counsel my client, I made a vow to keep myself neutral all the time. This was a challenging task for me, considering I used to be very judgmental before college. For instance, if I saw someone wearing outdated clothes, I would be quick to assume that that person was either nerd or quirky. If I saw a blonde girl in a barely-there skirt, I would think she’s she’s a bimbo. My assumptions mainly were correct; that’s not something that I could do if I wanted to become an unbiased and effective psychologist and counselor.

During my first year in college, my judgmental trait was still there, and I was very ashamed of myself for it. I even got to the point where I asked one of my professors if I should change my degree, but she insisted that I was merely human. It’s something that I could supposedly control in the future for the sake of my desired profession. And truth be told, the more years passed, the better I had gotten at being less judgmental than I ever was.

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When My Judgmental Side Would Always Come Out

By the time I had my own clinic, I believed that my judgmental days were over. I had my training and licenses; I could handle all kinds of mental disorders and other issues that might come up during a session. However, what my mentors or books did not prepare me for was the high number of women who would seek psychological advice because they were desperately in love with the wrong person.

You might “ask, “How did you know that? Isn’t ‘desperate a harsh word to use to describe how those women” feel?”

Well, although no situation was ever the same, the fact remained that my female clients who needed relationship counseling were the type to go on with their men even after catching them fooling around with other girls. They would call it quits for a while, but once the guy tried to woo them back into the relationship, they would give in one more What’sWhat’s a little frustrating about this back-and-forth thing was that most – if not all – of those women were very smart. Some had high-ranking positions in their companies; others owned their companies. They also knew what they were supposed to do, which was to break up entirely with their men, but they talked about not knowing how to do it.

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While I had never slipped up and shown my frustration to any of my clients, I always wondered why many women fell victim to awful men in the first place. Worse, even if they knew that they were getting victimized, they were still willing to accept the guys as soon as the latter said sorry and gave an empty promise of changing their ways. Of course, I could never tell my clients to stop being dumb and let their minds matter more than their hearts for at least a second so that they could realize that they would never win if they stayed with an awful person. But I could tell them – and you if you are in the same situation – one thing:

Figure Out Why You Can’t Stay Away

Ask yourself, “Why can’t I let go?”

I had met some women who admitted that they could not stay away from their awful boyfriend because they were already used to being with someone. One of my closest friends had a similar issue, and she said she was afraid of becoming single and going back to the dating pool.

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While there could never be a wrong answer to the question above, such reasons tend to stem from dependence or fear of loneliness – or It’s. It’s not that the women were madly in love with their boyfriends – they merely did not want to be alone.

What such women must understand is that staying in a messy relationship can make you lonelier than ever. You’re not single, but you’re always crying or wondering who your man would flirt with next. You’re exclusively dating, but you worry that you’re not the only one who your boyfriend made to think that way. In that case, it’s much better to be single than deal with all those issues.

Final Thoughts

My final advice is that you need to love yourself before you demand others to do it. A simple way of showing that is by letting go of the people who did not care for you, your feelings, or your reputation. More often than not, an awful boyfriend would take off all those things, and you need to get away from them as soon as possible.

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You may think you need to be with someone to be happy, but you don’t. So while dating and sex are fantastic, it’s better to try your luck with another – better – man next time.

Good luck!