My sister suffered from a messy breakup last year. She was in a kind of relationship that almost caused a permanent rift in our family. That’s especially true when we found out that her boyfriend was already married to someone else, and she still wanted to be with him. She would have gone with that guy if he did not leave my sister for his wife.

After that incident, my sister seemed like she was in limbo. She stopped going to work; she never left the house. Although her weight remained the same, it was evident that she let go of herself because she looked way older than her 23-year-old self. It had gotten so bad that people assumed that she was our 50-year-old mother’s sister.

Despite all that, we never gave up on my sister. My parents encouraged her to go out again and find a new job away from her ex. When she found one that she liked, things started to look up for her. My sister’s cheerfulness returned; she no longer stayed cooped up in her room. More importantly, my sister began to join us for dinner again, which she stopped doing in fear of being questioned about her former relationship.


One Year Later

One evening, while we were having a movie night at home, my sister received an email from Instagram informing her that someone tried to log in using her username and password. However, whoever that person was could not get in because they failed the account verification test.

My sister tried tracing the location of the person who wanted to open her account and realized that it must be her ex who did that. There was no way to guarantee it at the time because she already blocked him, but he was the only person who knew those details. Luckily, my sister seemed to have completely moved on from him since she was more annoyed than anything that the guy would hack into her account.

A week later, we were surprised yet again when the guy messaged my mother on Facebook, asking how my sister was doing. He also asked for my parents’ forgiveness for turning my sister into a mistress. But the hilarious thing was that he was asking when – not if – he could come over so that he could apologize in person. The nerve!


All my mother did that day was block the guy on social media. Just when we thought it was over, my sister’s best friend called to say that the guy messaged her, asking about the same thing. The best friend replied and told him to stop bothering my sister because she was already fine without him.

Although that was the truth, my sister could not help but worry about her ex’s reemergence. She asked me to accompany her in seeking professional counseling the next day. We found one through friends’ recommendations, and the kind counselor listened to my sister talk about her former relationship.

Near the end of the session, my sister asked, “How can I make sure that I will not fall to my ex’s charms again?”

Here are a few tips that remained in my head.


Stop Anyone From Talking About Your Ex

The counselor said that the quickest way to remedy such a situation was to avoid talking about my sister’s ex. If any of us wanted to mention him, we’d better zip it because it’s not helping her. She also encouraged us to spread the word to our family and friends to ensure everyone’s on the same page.

“I don’t support the idea of faking it until you make it,” the counselor added. “I believe in the forgive-and-forget thing more than that. If you stop acknowledging your ex’s existence, your memories of him will eventually fade into oblivion.”

Consider The Losses You Experienced Due To The Relationship

The counselor asked my sister to recount her losses because of her messy relationship. The list included her job, some of her friends, our parents’ trust, etc. The counselor then gave my sister something to think about: “If you entertain your ex once more, who’s to ascertain that you’ll lose the same things or more?”


Realize That Life Is Better Without Stressors In It

My sister’s ex was – and still is – one big source of stress. It was not just for my sister but all of us, considering my sister could not fight her battles independently and always needed our support. Hence, the counselor also encouraged her to count her blessing ever since she split with that guy.

Final Thoughts

I could never fathom the ordeal that my sister went through in her search for true love. Her journey was filled with humiliation, embarrassment, and lack of self-respect. We would not have known about it until the guy broke up with her.

Thankfully, my sister had finally gotten over her ex. It did not mean that he already stopped trying to bother her – she merely stopped caring, which was a great thing. That’s the best way to stay away from someone who betrayed you.

Do you love yourself? Love Yourself.


The Road To Loving Me. During my first year in college, my judgmental side was very strong.



This article is particularly focused on the ‘Love Yourself’ topic. Not quite like the song of Justin Bieber titled “Love Yourself”. It’s more like focusing on your self worth.

You see, ever since I decided to study psychology and eventually practiced counseling, I made a vow to keep myself neutral all the time. This was a challenging task for me, considering I used to be very judgmental.

Many people tell me to ‘love yourself’ instead of throwing comments. If I saw a lovely, blonde girl in a barely-there skirt, I would think that: “She’s lovely, but she’s a bimbo.”. My assumptions were correct most of the time; however, that’s not something that I could continue doing if I wanted to become an unbiased and effective psychologist and counselor.
The Road To Loving Your Own Self
During my first year in college, my judgmental side was very strong. I was ashamed of myself for it to say the least. It got to the point where I asked one of my professors if I should change my degree. However, she explained that I was merely human and told me “love yourself instead.”

loving yourself


It was quite a challenging mindset to develop. How can someone truly love oneself? How can one accept their true self? How can I fill my life with self love? It’s not really something I can search on YouTube or Facebook. The song lyrics to Ed Sheeran music were not enough. Hello, Justin Bieber? A little help in here, please!

But, here’s the thing: As years pass, I had improved at being less judgmental. I simply took the advice – love yourself.

The Admission To My Judgmental Side

By the time I opened my own clinic, I believed that my judgmental days were over. I had my professional training and licenses. I can handle taking care of mental disorders and other issues. I can be a reliable ally who can cheer up patients, encourage them to embrace themselves, and promote the “love yourself” mentality.

However, what my mentors or books or instructional videos did not prepare me for was the high number of women who would seek psychological advice because they were desperately in love with the wrong person.

how to start loving yourselfSource:

You might ask, “Isn’t ‘desperate’ a harsh word to use to describe how those women feel?”

Well, although not all cases are the same, the fact remained that I watch my female relationship counselling clients still be with their boyfriends even after catching them fooling around with other girls. Yes, they would call it quits for a while. But, once the guy tried to woo them back into the relationship, they would give in once more. I can already imagine Ed Sheeran shaking his head in disappointment.

It seems like my judgmental side was still very much a part of my life.
So, Is It Really Love?
Listen up ladies: that is not true love! He isn’t the man of your dreams who would bring you happiness.

What’s frustrating about this was that most – if not all – of these women were smart and successful. Some had high-ranking positions in their companies. Others managed their own businesses. Indeed, they have established themselves in this world. They were living a good quality of life! Yet, I continue to watch them be miserable with their love life.

Do you love yourself enough to know when a relationship is not right anymore? Remember: staying in a bad relationship is not self-respect.


Do You Love Yourself Enough To Let Go?
These women fully understand that their men’s behavior is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Their men only fill them with doubt and unhappiness. They knew what they are supposed to do. Obviously, they should break off the relationship and practice self love. It’s a clear sign – their awful boyfriends will not fill the gaps they have in life.

But, here’s the thing: They admitted to not knowing how to do it. They were at lost at knowing how to love their self.

The result? Staying in an unhealthy relationship and ignoring every single negative sign.

Why Many Women Felctim To Love
While I secretly had my fill of frustration with my clients, I always wondered why many women are influenced by things like bad relationships. Every single sign is out there already. Worse, even if they knew that they were getting victimized, they were still willing to accept the guys once the latter said sorry. They always fall for those empty promises of change.

Do Justin Bieber have a song for this scenario? I think he does. This content you’re currently viewing will give you more insights.

Of course, I can’t simply tell my clients to stop being dumb. I could not lead a pep talk to let their minds matter more than their hearts for at least a second. I can’t preach that they can’t win at life if they stayed with the wrong man.

I can’t even tell them to go on YouTube and watch the music videos of Justin Bieber and Ed Sheeran in hopes of getting inspired by the song lyrics!

But, there’s one thing I can definitely tell them: Love yourself first and let go.

Free Female artist working in studio Stock Photo

Focusing On Self-Love: The Art Of Finally Letting Go And Gaining Inner Peace

Why can’t I let go?

I had met some women who admitted that they couldn’t let go of their awful boyfriends because they were already comfortable. Even one of my closest friends had a similar issue. She dreaded being single and going back to the dating pool. She doesn’t want to fall back to phase zero on the search for her greatest love.


While there’s not really a one-size-fits-all answer to the question above, such reasons tend to stem from dependence or fear of loneliness. They need a special someone to fill in the gaps in their life.

Because of this, they tend to hasten the search.

It’s not that these women were madly in love with their boyfriends. They merely don’t want to be alone in this world. They would rather prioritize relationships with others more than self love.

What It Means To Not Let Go

What women must understand is that staying in a messy relationship can make you lonelier in life than ever. Yes, you’re not single. But, you’re always crying and wondering who your man would flirt with next. Yes, you’re exclusively dating. But, you constantly worry that you’re not the only one who your boyfriend treats the same way. If that’s the matter, it’s so much better to be single than deal with all those issues including details about managing your partner’s treatment towards you. This type of relationship will only fill you with bad memories.

It’s better to continue to YouTube and see if Justin Bieber search for on YouTube has a new song. Just saying.

Free Woman Doing Hand Heart Sign Stock Photo


Kidding aside, focus on loving yourself and on what’s around you. The world is so big to stay in a bad relationship. The wrong person will only fill your life with negativity.
The Best Advice To Everyone – Please Love Yourself!
Based on past activity, my final advice is that you need to love yourself before you demand others to do it. How will you know a love is right when you don’t even love yourself?

A simple way of showing that is by letting go of the people who did not care for you, your feelings, or your reputation. There’s so much more in this world than wasting your time on the wrong person!

Love is indeed a wonderful feeling. But, just like Ed Sheeran said: loving can hurt. An awful boyfriend will not fill you with that wonderful feeling and enhance the quality of your life. If you know that you are with the wrong man, it’s time to accept that he should not be a part of your life anymore.
Love Yourself First, The Rest Will Follow
You may think you need to be with someone to be happy in this world, but you really don’t need to rush it. So while dating and sex are fantastic, it’s better to try your luck with another – better loving – man next time. Don’t be afraid of the search process!

As the songs lyrics of Justin Bieber goes: “Baby, you should go and love yourself.”

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Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) On Love Yourself

  1. What is the meaning behind Love Yourself?
  2. Does the term love yourself mean being alone?
  3. How do you know if you love yourself or not?
  4. What are the ways to love yourself?
  5. What are the 5 Steps to self-love?
  6. Why is it hard to accept reality?