My sister suffered from a messy breakup last year. She was in a kind of relationship that almost caused a permanent rift in our family. That’s especially true when we found out that her boyfriend was already married to someone else, and she still wanted to be with him. She would have gone with that guy if he did not leave my sister for his wife.
After that incident, my sister seemed like she was in limbo. She stopped going to work; she never left the house. Although her weight remained the same, it was evident that she let go of herself because she looked way older than her 23-year-old self. It had gotten so bad that people assumed that she was our 50-year-old mother’s sister.
Despite all that, we never gave up on my sister. My parents encouraged her to go out again and find a new job away from her ex. When she found one that she liked, things started to look up for her. My sister’s cheerfulness returned; she no longer stayed cooped up in her room. More importantly, my sister began to join us for dinner again, which she stopped doing in fear of being questioned about her former relationship.
One Year Later
One evening, while we were having a movie night at home, my sister received an email from Instagram informing her that someone tried to log in using her username and password. However, whoever that person was could not get in because they failed the account verification test.
My sister tried tracing the location of the person who wanted to open her account and realized that it must be her ex who did that. There was no way to guarantee it at the time because she already blocked him, but he was the only person who knew those details. Luckily, my sister seemed to have completely moved on from him since she was more annoyed than anything that the guy would hack into her account.
A week later, we were surprised yet again when the guy messaged my mother on Facebook, asking how my sister was doing. He also asked for my parents’ forgiveness for turning my sister into a mistress. But the hilarious thing was that he was asking when – not if – he could come over so that he could apologize in person. The nerve!
All my mother did that day was block the guy on social media. Just when we thought it was over, my sister’s best friend called to say that the guy messaged her, asking about the same thing. The best friend replied and told him to stop bothering my sister because she was already fine without him.
Although that was the truth, my sister could not help but worry about her ex’s reemergence. She asked me to accompany her in seeking professional counseling the next day. We found one through friends’ recommendations, and the kind counselor listened to my sister talk about her former relationship.
Near the end of the session, my sister asked, “How can I make sure that I will not fall to my ex’s charms again?”
Here are a few tips that remained in my head.
Stop Anyone From Talking About Your Ex
The counselor said that the quickest way to remedy such a situation was to avoid talking about my sister’s ex. If any of us wanted to mention him, we’d better zip it because it’s not helping her. She also encouraged us to spread the word to our family and friends to ensure everyone’s on the same page.
“I don’t support the idea of faking it until you make it,” the counselor added. “I believe in the forgive-and-forget thing more than that. If you stop acknowledging your ex’s existence, your memories of him will eventually fade into oblivion.”
Consider The Losses You Experienced Due To The Relationship
The counselor asked my sister to recount her losses because of her messy relationship. The list included her job, some of her friends, our parents’ trust, etc. The counselor then gave my sister something to think about: “If you entertain your ex once more, who’s to ascertain that you’ll lose the same things or more?”
Realize That Life Is Better Without Stressors In It
My sister’s ex was – and still is – one big source of stress. It was not just for my sister but all of us, considering my sister could not fight her battles independently and always needed our support. Hence, the counselor also encouraged her to count her blessing ever since she split with that guy.
I could never fathom the ordeal that my sister went through in her search for true love. Her journey was filled with humiliation, embarrassment, and lack of self-respect. We would not have known about it until the guy broke up with her.
Thankfully, my sister had finally gotten over her ex. It did not mean that he already stopped trying to bother her – she merely stopped caring, which was a great thing. That’s the best way to stay away from someone who betrayed you.